Forgive

Today I had another Lucky hallucination. I was walking him and
saw the leash snap. I looked around and could not find him. It was
so scary. He is so cute; he sits on my lap when I do my website work.
I recommend a dog for everyone. He does so much for me and my
family. They are sweet and loving. We have to believe in a better
future. There has to be something. This is our year. Don’t ever give
up hope. It will happen. We need to forgive ourselves for anything
we have done. It is not our fault. It I the disease. Just let everything
go. The more you hold one to the bad things, the harder it is to
break. Forgive. It is not anyone’s fault. The sooner you can accept
we can move on. Just give yourself a full life. Live it. Love it. Forgive it.

Updates and Research

I updated the Care Giving Page. What we need to gain weight when
we have HD. I redid my awards page and added one more. We have
a huge research breakthrough. We need mental and physical
stimulation to fight dementia. This is our year.

http://www.news-medical.net/?id=34735

Live Life

The past couple days I have been twitchy. I am having problems
eating too. Today I am going to get help from Alice and cook Trevor
something. We have a potluck to get to on Thursday. I will try and
eat slow and concentrate a hundred percent. Yesterday I felt funny
holding the spoon. I also as great pain in my foot it seized up 4
times last night. I am going to ask my councilor on ways to stop
anger. If we know these skills we can stop those feelings for
getting worse. I am seeing my Mom so much in the picture with me
and Lucky. I look so sick. It is adjustment we need to make. The
past 3 pictures I have been like that. I don’t let any of this get to me.
No one should. We have HD. There is nothing to do but accept and
move on. It is not an easy process. In the end it will make your life
better. When we get the cure. I know it is not far off. So many
options. I realized this is my last stand against HD. This site is that. I
have to show all of you that there is light. Before I put up my site.
There was not much. I am going to teach Trevor how to make
graphics and my webpage. It ill always be here. “Even if I am not.”
We are going to get cured. No one is going to die from this any
more. Tell yourself that. It is true. The generations of HD will end
soon.

World Wide Web Award

Today I won a World Wide Web Award. It is very hard to get. They
are official awards. So many people apply for them and I got one.
This is such a great feeling to with one of these. They are webpage
gold. When I started my site I had HD. I had to learn some hard stuff
on my own to run this. In my, myths section I say we can learn new
and complicated things. We are able to accomplish anything we
want to. We just have to believe a hundred percent that we can.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do anything. Expesically
yourself. I am proof of that. We can do anything. I just believe. Just
simple belief. Thank everyone who honored my site. I have won the
most awards for any new site. In 5 months I have now won 26
awards. Not bad for a person with HD.

Love Life

Gary sounds a lot happier which is good. I think he is coming to
terms with HD now. My poor Dad. We are all hoping that my smart
young brother who is 20 now, we are praying that he has not HD. He
is having fun in school with all of the EnCana scholarships.I told
him about the HD ones. I don’t know if he could get one being it he
is at risk. Happy Birthday. I know since Gary is sick Scotto has been
going home every week now to check on him. I would still give up
my life so they can have a healthy outlook on life. No HD. Just me. I
am dealing with it so well. It is nothing to me. I am so hopeful and
happy for my future. Give me more. I would take everything. I know
how it feels. Some days not as sure as the next. One of the things is
we always fight. Everyday is a fight to survive. A fight some people
are not prepared for. I tried but even I was not prepared. It is all
hard to understand until you do show signs. Just love what little life
you have. Love like it will be you last. Love every day. Let it grow.
You will be so much better when you do. Everthing should be
sweeter. Like my dog. He isthe cutest thing ever.

Always Fight

This horrible plague called HD takes over every part of our being.
Total control. I am not denying that. It is how we truly live with this
horrible illness. That is the test. That is where it really counts. It
really matters. fight HD everyday. We have no choice. Every day it is
the same struggle. It never fails. We should never fail too. Everyday
means so much just to smile. To laugh. Some days it is so hard. I
have been snapping lately. I catch myself though. At least Trevor
understands. It is horrible to lose control. That I why it is imperative
to fight it. Who wants to live life not full as possible? Live everyday
like it is your last.

Scary Night

The last two nights I heard voices at night talking to me. Pretty
scary stuff. I also was hallucinating. I kept seeing scary shadows. I
had to ground myself with Lucky and Trevor. It was so scary though.
I could notsleep all night because I was so scared. Still hopeful
thought. I won’t let this hinder my hope for then future, HD tries to
stop the positivity in every person. We are the ones that let it
succeed. We are the only people who can fight it totally. We have
the power. Get it back. We don’t want it to take over us completely.
That leads some where no good. We need something good for us
and our family. We need to fight it with everything
we got. It is all out warfare for our lives.

Lucky Hallucination

Today had a realistic hallucination. I saw Lucky bleeding out of a
wound inhis body. It was so real and I thought he was hurt. I called
Trevor. We were going to take him to the vet later. When I checked
again he was fine. It was so realistic. I could not tell it is a
hallucination. They are getting too real. I might have to go on meds
for it. Today has some good, Alice my Mother in Law and I took the
dogs out for a walk today. It was a nice day for a walk. He peed on
Abbey their poodle. It was so funny. He is a peeing machine. Even
with this scary hallucinations are getting worse and more scary. I
believe in a future still. I believe in happiness and laughter. I
believe in anything that will come in this year. This will be our year.
I won’t ever lose hope of that. Just believe.

Froggie Che died

Last night was so cold. One of my frogs Che died. He was my Tomato
frog. We had him for a year. I miss him so much. We had not a lot
of luck with reptiles. We are hoping it works out with Lucky. This is
just another lose this year. I am grieving for my brother Gary who
just found out he has HD. Things have to get better. This is our year.
The year of breakthroughs. The year of cures. Things can just get
better and better everyday. We have just simple belief. Simple
hope can do so much for a person and their life. This is our year. It
is. We will have our cures and treatments. We deserve a cure. We
deserve hope and happiness. We do so badly. We need them
so bad it hurts. We have to get those our self. They are gained. The
don’t come easy for us.

Fight With Everything You Got

Today I almost fell 3 times. The past three days I have almost fallen.
I have been noticing my eyes are having a hard time focusing on an
object. I am having hallucinations every day too. I just have to
ground myself. I have been noticing everything get worse. I am still
hopeful. I have been laughing it of. Laughing can cure anything and
everything. Nothing can help like laughing off every symptom. That
is one of the only ways we can fight it. Any fight for this else we
must do. I refuse to give up. We should all refuse together. Today I
took my Lucky out for a walk since he got neutered. It was fun.

Fight with me

Today we are taking back our lives. They belong to us. We need
them back. I believe we can do that. We can fight it as hard as we
can. This year will be ours. We are taking back our happiness. Our
life. Our future. They are ours. We should never give HD that part of
our life. HD should not own us. We can change it. We can change
the outcome. Everyday we can make a difference. Small people
can do amazing things. Small people can make great changes. We
are those people. We can accomplish anything. Just set your mind
to it. Do anything. I never let HD control me or stop my life either.

Paranoia

I am slowly changing the layout of my page. I am done all the
changes now. I just thought it was time. I was really paranoid and
scared last night. I took Lucky out for a pee and I thought I heard
voices. Nobody was there. I was so scared I ran inside. Then Trevor
had to take care of that. Last night I thought people were going to
steal Trevor’s car. I did not see it out there. Even thought it was. I had
to distract myself until 3 o clock last night. I left Lucky inside for
the first time when we weren’t there. He trashed this place. Now we
have a crate for him when we leave. We worried since he just came
from the vet he was in a come. We saw blood and thought he hurt
his wound. He is fine thought. Poor Lucky right now. It is no fun to
get neutered. That was the scariest night ever. Once again I felt
Lucky when he was not there. I just believe that we have to remain
strong when fighting HD. I never thought fighting it would be this
hard. It is worth it. I don’t want it to taint my life. Take over every
aspect. Why should we let that happen? We need to live. We must
never give up our hope. We will be victorious in the end. Believe
me. This is the year for breakthroughs. Here is one now.

http://www.marketwire.com/mw/release.do?id=811448

Font Changes

Today I was tinkering aorund every page. I changed the text on
every page. I heard that some people had problems with it. Now that
is fixed. Today Lucky comes back from the vet. He is going to lie low
for a few days until he is healed. I am worring about Gary. He is just
so depressed since finding out. He just does not seem happy at all
right now. Which is understandable.I just wished I could take all of
the HD myself and have everyone healthy. I know that is not
possible. He just has to find the happiness. I know some people
would never find it again. It could be lost forever. I hope that is not
the case. I know he is okay living with my Dad. I have a great Dad. It
has to be so hard for him knowing that 2 out of 3 kids have it now. I
am fine with having it though. I don't ever sit there and think why do
I have this, or I want to be healthy. We are chosen to have a path
and we have to mo ve along it even thought it may sting. I just
believe a 100 percent everything will get better. It has too. The
horible and draining path is the one that leads us to the light in the
end. In the end that path does get bright and lighter. Sometimes it
takes so lond to get there. Be patient. It all works out in time. We
will be happy and healthy.

Hallucinations

Yesterday was the halluicination day of the century. It was mid
afternoon I heard my husbnd and looked for him. He was not there.
It is the second time where I heard him and he is not there. That
night was so much worse than any night ever. I could not ground
myself and went and watched some TV to distact myself. I thought I
heard people breaking in. I had to go check everything out like my
councilor said. I always smell a weird smell. I have been doing it
lately. Smelling things that are not there. Everything is full sensory.
Earlier when I was walking my Lucky I had a feeling that he was not
on my leash. I felt nothing. He was there though. It was a horrible
day.My councilor said that these halluicinations are our worst
fears manifesting. Which I can see. We have to deep down
believe that everything will work out. We will have our cure. This is
our year. Let's take it back this year. It belongs to us. Not
HD.Reclaim it. We deserve it.

Hope

Hope is all we have for tommorow. Hope is the truth of the heart. It is
the truth in knowing. Knowing that everything has to get better. It
has too. There will be a bright future for all of us. Let's make this the
last generation to have HD. The first one with breakthroughs. Real
tangible breakthroughs.We deserve all of that. Many have suffered
and soon no one well.

Busted Computer

My computer is busted. My husband needs to fix it for me. He has
me setup on his labtop. I can still do everything I need too. I won my
25 the award today. It is a done good award. There is a Yorkie like
mine on it. Every award means so much to me. It feels good to be so
honored.I love Lucky so much. He is so sweet. I have not been
unhappy since I got him. My brother Gary is being strong with
this.Lucky is helping me deal with everything. We are all that
strong. We can handle anything. We can do anything too. Anything
is possible. Just believe that we can acompish anything.

Lucky

I got Lucky my Yorkie last and he is adorable. The cutest and
sweetest dog ever. I wanted one when I was healthy enough to
enjoy one. I took him out for a walk this morning. When I did
aerobics he did it with me. It was so cute. I will put up pictures. I did
not know that me and Trevor could love him so quickly in such a
short time. I have won two awards today. I want to thank them for
honoring my site; one is a cool suite award. The other one is an
inspirational site. It is so good to win these awards.

Brother in Testing

I got some bad news about my brother Gary. He does have HD. We
found out on Thursday. He is 23 and has been showing signs since
he was 21. He is more symptomatic than me. It breaks my heart
right now. You don’t ever want to see your family members have it
too? At least I gave him some hope. We need to do something to
make everything better for our future. We need to make this the
last generation with HD. I always wanted to be the only one in my
family who has it. I would take everything to save my family. Now
there are 3 of us that have it. There is my brother Scotto that has
left to be tested.

Another new possible cure

The second breakthrough for the year. What did I say. Will
hopefully have a cure in the next few years.
http://www.medicalimagingmag.com/reuters_article.asp?id=20071009drgd001.html

Possible New HD Treatment

The first big breakthorugh of the year.
http://www.reuters.com/article/pressRelease/idUS106311+07-Jan-2008+BW20080107

Scarred

I am feeling way better today. I have fought the depression and now
I am healed. Yesterday I was so scared. You would not think that a
Teddy Bear hallucination would be so scary. I had several auditory
hallucinations. I kept going to sleep and waking up and seeing
giant Teddy Bears. I kept grounding myself by grabbing my Hubby’s
arm. It does work grounding yourself into reality. I just try to shrug
this illness off and not let it get to me. The fight for happiness is all I
contend with everyday. We need it. The big word Hope. Whenever I
have and episode like that I never ever lose hope. I am not going to
die. You are not going to die. I do believe in miracles and they come
in the form of cures. We are already so close I can see them
already.

Fight With Everything You Got

I have been fighting off a serve depression for the past 4 days.
There have been some painful things happening. I want to give the
parties privacy. Even though my counselor said blog about it. I have
been fighting off negative and paranoid thoughts. When I went
snowshoeing I actually thought someone was going to kill me.
Weird right? I go through periods with HD where the symptoms get
worse and worse. I have to fight harder when theses hard days
come. We have to fight harder. It is way better to feel happy and
alive instead of down, right? We have it so much harder than
anyone could understand. Just trying to smile is a hard
accomplishment for someone who has it. I will never give into the
mood swings, the depression. the anxiety. the paranoia. I won’t let
this take over me. We don’t need to feed it. It will just get worse.
Always need to fight. Happiness is way worth the fight. Always keep
fight even though it gets too hard to handle. Never ever give into it.

Worrying

My blog was down for an hour. I am glad it is now back up. To get
back to yesterdays post. We can’t let worry take over our lives. Let it
control our lives. Take away all of our reason. I have HD. They are
lots of worries that I have too. It is a fight to stop worrying. I am such
worrier though. It does us no good at all. Like I said yesterday it is a
disease. It is one that unlike HD. We can actually cure and work on
healing ourselves. Worrying excessively leads to worse things. Try
not to let anything get to you. Put up a wall to let all of the worry
penetrate it. Worrying gets was into a worse state then we think.
We need to fight it so badly. Just accept every change. That is one
of the ways to live with HD. Accept it. There is nothing that we can
change about it. The sooner we can accept we can move on. With
lfe pure and simple

Three More Awards

I can’t believe as soon as I was finished putting the other awards up
I got 3 more awards. They are all form Cocktail Cottage. I want to
thank everyone for honoring me and my cause. I tried to do
something different. Make a positive resource for people with HD. It
is working so well. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do
something. We can do anything we want too.

live for tomorrow

We all need to live for tomorrow. Live everyday like it is your last.
You can never ever take life for granted. We never know the day
that will be the last. Enjoy the time you have right now. Let’s not let
HD get into the way of that. Let’s let nothing in but pure happiness.
Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Let everyone know how you
feel. We have to live life to the fullest always. Love life for the
blessings it gives us. Every life has bad times. Just try to remember
the good times. They will keep you alive longer. A lot fuller life is
what we need so badly. We can get there. We have to try with every
breath in our body. We are going to buy Lucky on Monday. I am so
excited.

Lucky

My amazing hubby Trevor arranged for me to get a dog for
Christmas. With our landlords they would not allow it. Trevor wrote
them a letter about me being terminally ill and how much a dog
would esteem me. I wanted an animal while I am still moderately
healthy and can walk him every day. He was looking at a Yorkshire
Trevor named Lucky. On Monday we will hopefully pick him up. We
want him neutered first. Who know how long it will take to get that
down. I so hope I get Lucky for Christmas.

Hopeful

I have been tripping all over the place. I have been getting into
these weird trances where I stare into space. It happens when I am
really tired. I notice my symptoms get worse at night. I would not be
as happy as I am without my Trevor. Whenever I get sad or upset
about HD. He always cheers me up. Plus every time I get an award
we still do our dance parties. I do notice when I do my aerobics I do
feel better that day. Also when I go for my walks. I don’t ever want to
give up doing them. We should always do everything we can to help
ourselves and fight HD. Never give up hope. We don't have much to
spare. This year will bring us great breakthroughs. I know it. We
should all believe that. Let’s hope this will be one of the final
generations of HD when we get the cure to eradicate it.

Another Award

I have just won another award. It is a from the heart award. It means
a lot for me and my mission. To show everyone that is sick you can
do anything you want to. Don’t let anyone stand in your way. We
can all accomplish great things, we can have futures and hope for
a future. We have the highest suicide rate for any other genetic
illness. Nobody really cared about the mental health and physical
for people with HD, or understands it like I do. Since I have HD too.
Never lose the hope for a cure too. Never let anyone rob you of
everything positive in your life. Trevor and I say every person that
comes to my site is another life changed or saved. I just want
everyone happy and resilient. One life lost is already to many.

New Links

I added a new link. It is dedicated to get us stem cell research in
the States. There is ways to email and get a hold of US
Representatives. We need to do everything to make sure we do get
Stem cells. I believe they can cure 90 percents of all illnesses.