Better Now

I am healthy now. The past two day has been a change. No falls. I
can do everything like I used too. It is weird to go from near home
care. I think I figured out my beginning stages of HD. I did not know
what was going on. Had to think. I had no idea why I got so bad and
so healthy again. They get really really bad and then really really
good. All of symptoms came and go. I was so sick two days ago I
could hardly do anything on my own. Now I can do everything. I
think their gets to a point where the good stops coming. It sets in a
hundred percent. It is weird. I was so upset and scared. Now I feel I
am not symptomatic at all. I have balance issues. That is about it.
My computer is going to be reformatted. I had troubles putting this
together. Plus it is still not having my disk drives reading. It is
weird. It is good to be married to a computer tech. He fixes all of my
computers. He is always doing fixes on a lot of computers. Back in
Calgary he used to reformat, build, or fix computers for people.
They paid him. He made mine as birthday present. It has learned
so much about them from him. When we first met he was surprised
at how much I knew about them. Being a web and graphic designer
you always need your computer working. I go batty! I have Pshyio
tomorrow. When I first got sick Trevor told me he would give up his
life for mine. He never will ever see how far it is for me to have HD.
Never did anything wrong. It too much to sit there and pity yourself
it. What have I done to deserve this? I never thought about that for
years. Then all of the sudden I had those mental symptoms. The
brings you to that point. I was scared when I turned 23. It was
around the time I thought I would and did get sick. Those mental
symptoms take you places you don’t ever want to go. At that time I
was at SAIT for my Digital Graphics Communications. I had to quit
after one semester because I got to sick. I got so depressed. I
thought I let my Dad down. He was paying for my school. He paid for
all of it. My Care Aide too. Sick and have loans that you could never
pay off, did not look good for us. I had to pull myself out of it. Trevor
was so worried about going to work I was that bad. I told Loretta my
HD social worker about it. She said it would be good to volunteer.
The distress center. HD Calgary Society. Those were my first
mental symptoms. She gave me hope again. Hope I never let go of.
This is what I have. This is learning what life really means. We are
chosen to have HD at random. I have it. It is a struggle that only we
know what it is like. Every day we have to fight for happiness and
hope. It is worth every minute that we have control. We don’t have to
feel depressed. We have a hard disease to fight. We can do it. We
can all destroy all of negative thoughts out of our mind. We can. It
is hard. We can win here. We have the inner strength to fight. Even
when we doubt it. Just remember we have it inside us. We are all
mighty warriors.