Monday, March 3, 2008

Hallucinations

Last night I had scary hallucinations. It was auditory and visual. I
heard weird voices and saw black scary dragon like creatures. It
was like black light with life. It was scary. I have had the same one
3 times. When it is dark. I grounded myself and put my arms around
Lucky. It is holding onto something cuddly. If you are alone you can
do it with a Teddy Bear. Takes away all of the fear. I almost fell once
in the bath tub. Once on the coffee table. I keep catching myself.
That is still my reaction. When I was first got sick, I went fell down
20 stairs. As I fell, I instantiously grabbed the bar. Saved myself. I
get these quick responses from my Dad. He works in the Oil Field
all of his life, with EnCana. He knows first aid. My Dad used it so
often. One time he was driving to work. He saw our neighbor’s
truckon fire. He had an extinguisher. Put the fire out. I never had to
use mine yet. So scared of using first aid for the first time. They left
my Dad a note and beer. My Dad returned it. He did not think he
should get award for that. I think as I get sicker I will probably lose
this ability. Right now I am fine though. I have to accept change. WE
have to accept change every day if we have HD in our family.
Whether you are family or have it. Sadly change is a huge factor. It
is the hardest to accept. Especially when everyone goes downhill
so fast. If you can’t accept change that will affect your life
negatively. Like I said we need to accept before we can have a
positive future. Acceptance is key. Let all the HD go. There is
nothing we can do, we have HD. It is in the family. Forgive
yourselves and your family. Let all of it go. Unleash the burdens of
HD has on you. Do this and your life will improve. I struggle to. You
have HD, you struggle. That is what it is for. Be positive, be hopeful.
Whenever I have a bad day like two days ago. The thing that kept
through my mind was we will get cured. This won’t last long. Every
day is a fight that we all can win. Fight it. A thing that a sweet Lady
told Trevor and me that we make bad days ourselves. We get so
bent on having a bad day that it happens. I tried to use that two days
ago. It works. I think she is right.

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